I’m a quitter.

One Month. 31 Days.

One whole smoke free month. 

How am I feeling? Honestly, pretty freaking proud of myself. Still kind of grumpy some days, annoyed, excited, healthier.

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**Insert slow clap here**

Its been a weird month too. My job has been more stressful than ever, I got stranded on the interstate for 14 hours in the Atlanta snowpocalypse, and somehow I managed to stay smoke free through all of this. I’ve had tons of support which is making it easier, and my husband has been a lot nicer about it than I thought he would be (Sorry, honey!). My family will call just to check on me and make sure I’m not smoking, and I have friends sending me encouraging pictures and messages randomly, sometimes when I need it most. I’m very lucky to have the people in my life behind me 100%.

The only issue I’m still having is that I STILL. FREAKING. WANT. ONE. Its so annoying! The actual craving isn’t even really the annoying part. I know how to handle them now, I know what to do, what not to do, etc. The part that’s making me absolutely crazy is the fact that cravings even still happen. Everyone said if I would just get past two weeks, they would stop. They didn’t. Then Everyone said, well wait 21 days. 21 days came and went, I still  wanted one.  A month later, sometimes I still get them. It’s not as bad as two weeks ago, but its still there. When I get super stressed out at work, I find myself saying I want one. If I have a drink in one hand, I still sometimes want a smoke in the other. If I see someone smoking in a movie, I want to smoke with them (that one bugs me the most). I haven’t slipped. Not once. I’m going to try my hardest to keep that up too. I’ve done pretty damn awesome if I say so myself. Its just annoying that I sometimes want one.

For a long time, I hid from a lot of people the fact that I smoked. I would do the classic, smoke one right before I get somewhere, put on way too much body spray, and ride with the windows down for a few minutes to “air out” routine. I just didn’t feel like dealing with the judgment that I knew would come along with certain people knowing I smoked. When I decided to stop and post about it online, many people told me they didn’t even know I started in the first place, much less almost 5 years ago. It was hard facing the truth, but I couldn’t be more glad I did.

This has been an interesting journey for me. I’m reminding myself how strong I am and how determined I can be. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it. I’m breathing way better, I don’t wake up in the morning coughing,  food tastes better (and holy crap, so does coffee), I’m saving money, and my husband said he likes to kiss me more 🙂 I’m learning healthier habits in other aspects of my life, simply because of one change.

Quitting is not easy. They make quitting sound like a bad thing is most cases, but I’m pretty sure quitting something is saving my life in more ways than one.

Here’s to you, people who have quit already. Whether you’re one day in, or 20 years in, you made the decision and you did it. But more importantly, here’s to you, people who are making the decision to quit. Here’s to the ones who just smoked their last cigarette. It’s a weird conversation to have when you try to explain you are quitting, or when you try and talk about how it kind of actually might be hard, and you might actually have feelings and shit. Again, it’s worth it. Nothing worth having is easy, and this is just one of those things. Nut up and shut up, handle it like the boss you are. Do what ever you have to do to be a quitter.

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